Help with relationship anxiety
Testing whether someone will leave is a very efficient way of making sure they do. The pattern is learned, and learned patterns can be changed.
The shape of the pattern
Reassurance-seeking that never lands, jealousy you know is disproportionate, reading tone in messages, and a pull to end things pre-emptively so the loss happens on your terms. Underneath is usually an attachment expectation formed long before this partner.
- Needing constant reassurance you are wanted
- Checking phones, socials or whereabouts
- Withdrawing first to avoid being left
- Replaying conversations for hidden meaning
This is individual work
Couples work is not offered here. What is offered is individual therapy on your side of the dynamic — which, in practice, often changes the dynamic more than joint sessions would.
Where the expectation was set
An unpredictable parent, an affair, an abandonment, an abusive ex. EMDR-informed processing takes the charge out of those originating experiences so the current relationship stops being read through them.
Common questions
Do you see couples?+
No. Individual therapy only. If joint work is what you need, you will be signposted to a couples specialist.
Can this help after infidelity?+
Yes — betrayal trauma responds well to trauma-focused work, whether or not the relationship continues.
What if I am the anxious one and my partner is avoidant?+
That is the most common pairing. Understanding your own end of it changes what the pairing does.
Change your side of the pattern
A free fifteen-minute call to talk it through, individually and confidentially.